From ruins comes transformation.

Woah! Where did I go wrong... A week earlier we had been so... perfect. We had the kind of love that people write poems, movies, and books about. We were the couple that everyone wanted to be like. I couldn't get enough of him, and I thought he couldn't get enough of me. Every plan I made for the future included him. He was my plan. He was supposed to be my future. I always told him I could live in a cardboard box with him and never need anything else. I was soooooo in love. How could this freaking happen?

  I remember just laying on my floor crying and feeling like I died. (part of me did) It felt like I couldn't even breathe or that I'd been hit by a never ending train that just kept going && going over my heart with all of  it's boxcars attached to it. A million thoughts raced through my head. Did he ever even love me!? Am I too fat? Is she prettier? Did I not do enough? Was I too much? (probably)........What do I do now? What do I like? I didn't even know who I was without him. From that day on for the next couple of months I tore myself apart.. I broke myself down and tortured myself for every flaw I thought I had.
             I started drinking a lot, I cried almost every day. I read every break up manual they had and I looked up every article I could find on how to get him back. I hung out with my best friends, and they would listen to  me go on for hours. Thank goodness for best friends. I noticed the busier I was the less it hurt, so I stayed busy. I got a new apartment. I got a dog. I started going out. I danced. I started doing yoga. I thought a lot about life. I listened to music. I cried. I stopped reading books about how to get him back and started reading books about how to get me back. I filled my time with things I wanted to do. Things he would never let me do or liked to do. I watched sunrises and sunsets and realized the beauty in both. I went on walks. I went on dates. I learned to cook. I met lots of people. I dyed my hair (a couple times) I bought new clothes. I went to Vegas (twice!). I hung out with my friends more and my family. I did everything I could. I took things one day at a time and eventually the days turned into weeks and the weeks turned into months.I thought about him less and less until eventually I realized it had been weeks since he had even crossed my mind. Now it's been a long time, and I don't even remember what it was like being in love or why I was sad. I always look back to the day I was crying on the floor and  realize how insecure and unsure of myself I was. I didn't even know me.  I realize now that I found something worth losing him over... I found myself. Now I know what I like. Now I know what I want to do. I realized when everything falls apart it may be very hard to handle, but it also makes room to rebuild something new, something beautiful, and something stronger then what was there before." From ruins comes transformation."
.( -quote from the book Eat.pray.love)